Mountains to Meadows!

About a week ago I ran my first race in...oh my gosh, ten years!!!  I registered for the race months ago and in that time I started training so I could build my endurance and stamina.  In the beginning I was very diligent about running on the treadmill and I even dedicated my time to strength training.  It took weeks to get into a habit and routine with my workouts, and after those weeks I started seeing results.  I felt better, had more energy, and my muffin top was starting to disappear.  Sadly, it doesn't take much to get out of habit and out of a routine.

In the middle of March I came down with the flu.  I'm talkin about the stomach flu, and it kicked my butt.  I was out of commission for a good 48 hours.  And after those 48 hours I was so weak and so tired.  I honestly can't remember the last time I was that sick.  So to make a long story short, that was the beginning of the end of my training.  I just couldn't get back into the habit of running.  In the months following my "near death" experience with the flu I can only count a handful of times that I actually ran.  It was bad!  About a week leading up to the race I decided to run with my husband and during the run I was cussing myself out!  All that training LOST!  I was so mad at myself!  I told my husband I was going to eat the registration fee and not attend the race.  I just couldn't embarrass myself.

Well, about three days before the race my best friend called me up to see if I wanted to run the race with her.  I hesitated at first, but then realized how much fun it would be to run a race with my bestie.  The drive up to the race would be fun in itself.  So I quickly said "YES!"

To put it simply the race was amazing!  The day was gorgeous and the scenery was postcard perfect.  Since I hadn't been training I was a bit rusty.  I definitely did not run the entire 3 miles, but in way it was a good thing.  I was able to enjoy the scenery all around me and visit with one of my best friends.  I know she could have easily ran the entire 3 miles, but she stuck with me and encouraged me along the way.  Toward the end of the race she pushed me to run the rest of the way.  I'm not going to lie, it was a challenge.  I was tired, my legs and feet hurt, but I just kept on going.  I didn't want to give up.  When I saw the finish line I was able to muster up enough strength and sprint to the finish!  It felt sooooo good!  We finished 3 miles in 38 minutes (about 12 minute miles.)  It's not a record breaking time, but I'm still proud of it.  We were the middle of the pack, so at least we weren't the last.  But let me tell you something, the minute I crossed that finish line I was hooked!  Hooked on running!  I never thought I would LOVE to run, but now I do!  I can't wait to run my next race!  And hopefully I can do 10 minute miles!  So sign me up and I'll see you at the finish line!!!!

Bucket List

I spend a lot of time day dreaming!  In fact I love road trips because it gives me an opportunity to zone out for a few hours.  During those hours I tend to think about my Bucket List.  Well, I find that my memory is getting weaker and weaker, so I thought it best to put my list in a place that is more reliable than my brain.  So here it is ladies and gentlemen. my list.  Maybe you can all hold me accountable.

1.  Write a Novel

2.  See New York City

3.  Run a Marathon

4.  Go on a Zip Line

5.  Pet a Lion

6.  Go on a Safari

7.  Go on a Missions trip

8.  Make a pie crust all by myself

9.  Stop biting my finger nails

10.  Take a Napa Valley Wine tour

11.  Visit all 50 States

12.  Read the entire Bible 

13.  Help deliver a baby

14.  Go to Italy

15.  Go on a dinner and movie date by myself

And really the number one item on my list is to watch my children grow old.  To help mold them into loving, compassionate, respectful individuals.  That they will find their place in this world and be happy with their choices.  That they will be strong, independent and confident people, never afraid to move against the grain.  That they will love and seek God but never be judgmental.  That my friends is my true wish.

hmmmm.... I know there are more, but like I said my memory is failing me right now.  I might just have to add to this list later. 

A weekend at home!

Today is day two without Facebook, and so far I've tried multiple times to log in, forgetting that I cancelled the darn thing.  It's almost comical how addicted I was, or maybe still am.  But regardless I am still happy with my decision.  I do miss seeing all the pictures of my friends and family, and posting my own photos for the world to see, because I'm not going to lie, I think I have the cutest kids and most handsome hubby EVER!!!  Sooooo, if you want to see pictures of my family, you'll have to read my blog!  Of course you can always scroll past all my mumbo jumbo and only look at the pictures.  I promise I won't be offended.

I hope in some ways, this blog can do what facebook did, and enable me to keep in touch with friends and family that I don't see on a regular basis.  I will warn you ahead of time, I tend to be more candid and transparent in my blogs, so I might say things that I wouldn't normally say in person.  I find I am more confident and brave when I write out my thoughts.  Also, keep in mind my degree is in paralegal studies, not creative writing or journalism.  There will be a lot of mistakes, but I don't have time to proof read over and over again.  There's just not enough hours in the day.

So enough talk about my blog...

Let's talk about the weekend!  

This weekend was awesome!  We didn't even do that much.  I was just happy to finally have a weekend at home!  The last three weekends were spent away, and it was so refreshing to relax at HOME!  We spent time with friends, worked in the yard A LOT, and went to a random carnival.  

I had no idea there was a carnival in town until we drove past the fairgrounds.  Sam spotted it right away and you could see that twinkle in her eye.  I just knew I had to take her.  Of course it wasn't as big as the fair in August, but that didn't bother Samantha at all!  She had soooo much fun, and just seeing that smile on her face was enough to melt my own heart.  Seriously, I just LOVE that little girl!  It was well worth the time

and money.  All except the Tilt-a-whirl!  When did that ride get so intense?  It was Samantha's first time on that ride, so I wasn't sure how she would react.  Would she like it?  Be scared? Who knows with that girl!  But of course, my little dare devil squealed in delight.  She loved it.  For her, the faster it spun the better.  As for me... it was torture!  I held on for dear life.  I wanted so badly to close my eyes, but I didn't want to take my eyes off of Samantha.  Her laugh and her smile was the only thing keeping me from yelling "STOP!"  The things we'll do for our kids!  

All in all, it was a perfect weekend!  I know I promised pictures, and I would post more but I am exhausted, so this one will have to do!  Thanks for reading! 

This is my WoNdeRfUL Family!

So Long Facebook, Hello Freedom!!!

Yes it's true I am cancelling my facebook page!!!  And I couldn't be happier!  I've been thinking about doing this for some time now and I'm finally going to do it.  "Why in the world would you do that?!", you ask.  Well here it goes...

I spend entirely waaaaay too much time on FB and I know I could use that time in more productive and healthy ways.  I find myself checking my FB whenever I walk by the computer.  I tell myself I am going to check something really quick, and then of course I get sucked into the world of facebook.  It's definitely not the message I want to send my children.  I don't let them watch a lot of TV, so why should I spend a lot of time on the computer?  The funny thing is, I get so irritated when I'm talking to Steve and I can tell he's not actively listening (love you honey!), and then when I'm on FB he'll be talking to me and I just nod my head and act like I am listening.  Not my best moments.  So without facebook tempting me I'll be a better mother and wife.  I'll spend more time doing things that matter.

Another reason that is harder for me to talk about has to do with my insecurities.  Now we all have them, but for some reason being on facebook has made me more insecure.  It might surprise some of you, but I've never had much confidence in myself and it's easy for me to get down on myself from just the tiniest little thing.  At times I'm overly sensitive.  I know cancelling facebook isn't going to cure me, but I think it will help.  I won't wonder why so and so didn't invite me over to hang out, or why don't more people comment on my beautiful children, etc... If I'm not on FB, I won't see the other's posts and pictures.  Now I admit these are silly things to worry about and it drives me crazy that I even care, but I do and I can't help that.  I know deep down my friends and family do love me, but to me FB is high school drama and cliques all over again.  And my high school was not drama filled or cliquey so I don't really know how to deal with that scenario.

Also, its sooo easy to hurt peoples feeling or get your feelings hurt on fb.  I've been on both sides of it and I hate it!  Life is difficult as it is and I don't feel like adding to its challenges.

I'm not going to lie, its going to be difficult because I'll feel like I'm missing out.  I'm sure I'll miss memos on whose pregnant, who just had their baby, play dates, and birthday parties, etc... but I managed just fine before facebook, I think I can do it again.

I'll definitely miss seeing pictures of my friends and family, especially those who live far away.  And I'll miss the ease of keeping in touch, but at this point I feel as though the negatives outweigh the positives.

So good bye Facebook, it's been a wild ride ;)

Dearest Blog, how I have missed thee!

Wow, this is embarrassing, I have completely neglected my blog!  Don't get me wrong, I've wanted more than anything to sit down and organize my muddled thoughts, but once the kids are in bed my mind usually turns off.  Well, it doesn't exactly turn off, because my mind seems to race a million miles a minute, but I tend to ignore it and find a book to read or a mindless show to watch.  But alas, I cannot ignore these thoughts any longer.  It actually feels really good to type something other than a status update on Facebook.  I should apologize ahead of time and warn you that this post will be full of random thoughts and no good transitions between those thoughts.  My English teachers would kill me for this!

William continues to make progress.  He can take about 5-8 steps before he falls down and his balance and coordination has also improved.  It's very encouraging, but I still have those times of doubt, frustration, and sadness.  For goodness sake he's 20 months old!  I know I shouldn't compare, but most kids his age are capable of walking anywhere.  In fact many of his peers can climb steps.  I promised myself I wouldn't compare, because I know that's not fair to him, but when you're surrounded by so many kids his age, its hard not too.  The closer he gets to 2, the harder it is.  We're so blessed though, we have a gal come to our house every other Monday from the Child Development Center (CDC) and she works with William and also helps us find other resources for William, at no cost!  She set up a speech evaluation for him next week (apparently children with Hypotonia are more likely to run into speech delays and impairments) and we are now able to go back to his original physical therapist, and that too will be covered under the CDC.  We feel very lucky and very blessed to have these resources available to William!

Samantha is growing up fast!  To think in a year we'll be registering her for kinder-garden!  I have mixed emotions for sure.  I am excited for her to go to school and meet other kids and learn about the world around her.  But at the same time, it means she's not a baby or a toddler anymore.  She won't spend her days with me, instead she'll be spending more time with her peers.  But, I know its the best thing for her.  She LOVES kids, she loves to play, and she loves to learn.  To be honest, sometimes I feel like an outsider.  I have a lot of friends who are either currently homeschooling or plan to home school, but I just know that's not for Sam, and it's not for me.  I can definitely see the benefits of homeschooling, but for our family the the benefits of public school outweigh  I'll definitely be very involved in her learning, and I'll probably turn into one of those annoying  parents that volunteer for everything.  I never thought of myself as a PTA mom, but it just might happen.  I know they'll be those kids and those teachers I don't like, but just like my parents, I'll be at my children's side the entire way making sure they are learning what they should be learning and being treated like they should be treated.

The last several months Steve and I have led two different book discussions at our church.  For those of you who don't attend Missoula Alliance Church, between the two services we have what's called connections.  Its basically a bunch of small book clubs (usually 10-12 people per book) with topics ranging from marriage, growing in faith, dealing with adversity, and raising children.  We've focused on the topic of children.  Both times we've really enjoyed meeting new people who attend MAC and each book has offered new and helpful insight.  However; I must say I was surprised to see how different everyone's ideas are.  Everyone has their own ideas of disciplining their child, educating their child, nurturing their children, sharing their faith, etc.  Of course, I'm not saying there is only one way to do each, in fact I have gained a lot of new insight and ideas from discussing these ideas.  The only problem I've ran into is sometimes it leaves room for judgement.  The last thing I want is someone to judge me or be the one judge others.  Judgment is an ugly ugly thing, usually resulting in hurt feelings and bitterness.  I should know, I've been judged and have also been guilty of judging others.  As my children get older I've noticed more of those "looks" from other parents whenever I have to discipline or not discipline my children.  I've seen the eye-rolls, or heard the huffs under their breath.  I'm sure I've been guilty of it too.  But it can hurt.  You start to wonder if you're doing something wrong and start doubting yourself as a parent. I feel like I've been judged with how I've dealt with some of Samantha's disobedience.  Either people make me feel like I've been too harsh or too easy on her.  I shouldn't feel like I am being criticized for the way I raise my children, but I do.

 Unfortunately, William does not make this any easier on me.  In the last month he has started to scream about everything and he hits objects or people in frustration.  We've tried everything!  Timeouts, spankings, flicks on the mouth, and ignoring him (the hardest of all.)  The lady from CDC recommended ignoring him, because she thinks he's doing it to get attention and when we spank him or give him timeouts, he's getting just that.  So instead we ignore the negative and over praise the positive.  And the crazy thing is, it's working.  But when we're out with friends, it's hard to ignore his behavior because I don't want them to think we don't care and we're lazy parents.  I know most of my friends understand me, but there are the few who give us silly looks.  I sometimes wonder how much of his temper tantrums have to do with the fact that he is limited in his mobility and he can't vocalize his needs as easily.  It's just a thought.

But lately I've realized that no one has the right to judge.  God knows what's in our hearts and He is the only one that is qualified to judge.  Steve and I know are children the best of all, and we know what works with them.  Every kid is different therefore every kid needs to be disciplined differently, even within the same family.  My mom had to discipline my sister and I differently.  My mom could look at my sister with the "scary mom look" and she would break down (so I've heard) and if my mom gave me that look I probably gave the look right back at her.  Its safe to say, I had a few more paddles on my butt.

I will say, in the last 6 months I've had a chance to really look at what works for our family and what doesn't.  I've made many mistakes, and I'm sure I'll make more, but I continue to learn everyday.  I feel like I've become a better parent (at least I hope so.)  Wow, I feel bad for all those first borns out there.  You really are guinea pigs!