End of the year recap and a lot of rambling.

I can't tell you how many times I have meant to write in the last few months, but with a new baby, Christmas right around the corner, and a never ending mountain of laundry to fold, time escapes me.  I don't even know where to start.  First I'll update you on William, since this blog seems to be filled with his on-going medical journey.  We met with a geneticist early in November and came away feeling very hopeful in coming closer to a diagnosis for William, but in actuality we aren't any closer.  We were hoping to proceed with a blood test for clinical exome sequencing, but the test costs way too much and our insurance doesn't cover it (don't get me started on that!) and the likely-hood of getting an answer was at best 20%.  Not a great return on such a high investment.  I hate that money and cost are a deciding factor in our decisions when it comes to William, but we have to be financially responsible or else we'll find ourselves living in my mother's basement.  No offense mom, but we really don't want that to happen.  So instead we are going to proceed with a muscle biopsy and possibly another MRI (his last MRI was at 6 months of age,)  We've been hesitant about the muscle biopsy for a few reasons.  One being that it's invasion, it involves being put under, and we have to travel for the procedure.  I sat down with his pediatrician (whom I LOVE and trust) and asked her what she would do if in our shoes, and without hesitation she said she would proceed.

This really is the only option at this point, other than just stopping, and I PRAY we get an answer.  He is an anomaly!  He isn't the typical kid with ataxia, and it makes diagnosing him seem impossible.  I can't tell you how many times I hear, "he's doing so good", "he's made so much improvement", "you can hardly tell." But that's not so much the case.  Yes, he has improved.  He can walk (granted he was almost 2 when he started to walk), he can walk up and down stairs (but not well for a four year old), he can speak full and complete sentences (but his articulation is lacking.)  I'm not trying to be negative but my mommy institution tells me there is something there that is hindering him.  The older he gets the more apparent it is.  There are a lot of things he should (hate that word) be doing.  Like pedaling a bike, getting himself dressed, walking without the assistance of the walls around him.  But damn, can that kid throw and catch a football!  Back to him being an anomaly!

His pediatrician, his PT, his neurologist, the geneticist all agree there is something there, going on behind the scenes that we can't see. They've all said it; he seems to have a neuromuscular disorder with a possibility of a central component, particularly a cerebellar dysfunction (in nutshell.)  Oh my gosh people, let me tell you, reading the reports from the geneticist and neurologist are headache inducing, but still so fascinating.  I really wish I could go back to my freshmen year in college and change my focus from legal mumbo jumbo to medical amaziness!  I'm actually thinking about going back to college (eeek), but that's another story for another day.  I'm not sure when the muscle biopsy and MRI will take place, probably in the next few months, we still have to figure out all the logistics. But in the mean time please pray that we get something out of this, a possible answer. I'm so tired of searching.  He's going to ask someday why he's different, and I want to give him an answer.  And I want him to be the next Elway, Steve Young, Payton, Brett Favre, Marino, Bradshaw, Brady, Russell Wilson etc etc.  I'm not going to let anything get in the way of my children's dreams.

Enough of William!!! (love him!) Let's talk Christmas and New Year!  So this year I did something big!  I let me children decorate the tree with the ornaments they wanted to use, AND I let them choose where to place said ornaments on the tree.  This is really hard for me.  I can be so anal retentive when it comes to things like this.  I want my tree to look symmetrical and pretty.  I don't like globs of ornaments in one spot, which kids seem to do.  But this year my tree is a mess of globs!  And I love it!  It's the best.  I have a huge stuffed moose ornament (its' hideous, but glorious at the same time,) and a very sparkly and blingin blue heart courtesy of Samantha.

The Moose!

(William's choice this year)

 But I love this time of year.  The lights, the tree, the smells, the yards of wrapping paper, the anticipation, the birth of our Savior (hello, huge deal!)  EVERYTHING!  Its the perfect time of year to reflect on the past, and hope in the future.  And we've done a lot of reflecting and we're doing a lot of hoping.  Samantha is growing so fast and learning so much, excuse me while I brag, but this girl is smart!  William cracks us up with his perfect one liners, and entertains us while he throws a perfect touchdown pass.  We are so blessed with our newest little man, Carter.

At 2 months

He loves his polar bear friend!

 His smiles make the crappy days seem brighter.  To think, we thought we were done at two kids.  He's amazing!  Our friends and family, who are our life nets.  We'd fall without them.  And I have to give my husband a shout out, because that man is a saint.  I'll never forget how much he did for me this year!  He washed out way too many puke buckets, sat in the ER and labor and delivery one too many times while I was pumped with fluids and anit-nausea meds, tried his very best to get Samantha ready for school while I was bed-ridden (February and March of this year are a blur) all while working.  He should win an award!

And I'm hopeful that this new year, 2015 (whoot whoot) will be....I don't know, better in some way.  I don't want to set myself up for disappointment, but I feel like things will settle, that there will be a new peace about things.  Life will always throw curve balls, but I feel more equipped for when those moments happen.  I'm not afraid anymore, no change that, I'm not as fearful.  Fear will always be part of my life, its just the way I think, but it doesn't have quite the grip on me as it has in the past.  Does that make any sense?  I feel as though I have babbled on and on.

Which brings me to my next point.  I started this blog after William was born, when I decide to take that plunge and become a stay at home mom.  Something I never thought I was going to be.  And since then its become mainly a place where I can blurt out my thoughts, unfiltered and authentic.  But I want it to be more.  More encouraging to readers, more useful.  So in the next few months I might try to revamp it. I don't know what it will become.  I hope to gather more followers, especially those who have children like William, the kids with disabilities, but have no diagnosis. I want to connect with people who seem dissatisfied with life as a stay at home parent, because lets face it, we get no credit for wiping butts, fixing boo-boos, cleaning up the 100th spill, playing hours of pretend -fill in the blank-.  Its rewarding but lacks recognition.  I want to speak to those who are on a budget but want to make their house and wardrobe a statement.  I want to encourage those parents who faithfully choose public school, even if it gets a bad rep.  I want to share my faith and encourage a deeper relationship with Christ.  Heck I might even share a recipe or two.  I'm no Pioneer Woman, but I've found a few kick ass recipes.  

And now for your viewing pleasure I will post some of my favorite Christmas ornaments

I spent a good portion of my childhood in Washington State, and I love the Pudget Sound area.  So many great memories.

 This is my favorite ornament!  My mom would hang it on our tree when we were little and place a little candy inside (yes, you can open and close the mailbox, AND put the red flag up and down!)  I know you're jealous right now!

 Just got these two precious ornaments this year!  One for me and one for Steve.  Yes, its corny I know!

 Not a fan of the homemade kind, but she's too cute!

 I love orange and I love snowflakes.

1.  Books are the very best!

 Ummm, still not a fan of the homemade kind, but I have to show my kids I value their handiwork.

 Nothing beats old-fashioned glass blown ornaments.  So classic and timeless.

Every year I let the kids pick out one new ornament, and someday when they move out they can take their ornaments with them.  This is one that Samantha picked out last year.  In the past she's picked out a tiara, and a rainbow icicle thing.  Enough said.

And nothing beats a good ol' glass round ornament!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!