Sam needs to stop growing and the snow needs to start melting!

Today it really struck me how fast Samantha is growing up.  Before I know It I will be packing her lunches and dropping her off at school.  Watching her grow up is such a joy and I love seeing her reactions to new things, but why does it have to go so fast!?  If I could go back in time, knowing how fast three years goes by, I think I would have chosen to be a stay at home mom a lot sooner.  It feels like yesterday that we first brought Samantha home not really knowing what to do with this 6 pound baby girl.  Now I am trying to figure out what to do with a little girl who is no longer a baby.  But of course we can't go back it time so I have to learn from the past.  For the next couple of years, before she goes to preschool, I am going to cherish every moment with her.  I want to build puzzles with her, have tea parties, paint, play Barbies, build forts, all the wonderful childhood things.  I truly believe these years are the most important years.  In these years I can mold and shape Samantha into a child with character, kindness, and love.  I also think it's the best time to start developing a relationship with Samantha, so that when she is older she knows she can come to me about anything and that I will listen with love and respect.  Not only do I want to trust her, I want her to trust me (and Steve too.)  How am I going to accomplish this?  I have no idea!  But I know I need to start now.  One thing I have been trying to do now, is to take interest in what ever she is doing or saying.  If she wants me to color with her, than I will drop whatever I am doing and color with her.  If she is telling me a story, even if it doesn't make sense, I will actively listen.  Maybe by doing this she will learn that I value her and in turn hopefully she will value herself.

Okay enough looking into the future.  Thinking about Samantha as a teenager is starting to stress me out and I really don't feel like breaking out and looking like I just hit puberty.  On a lighter note, I am sick of this winter weather wonderland.  In my perfect world, winter would end the day after Christmas, and we would now be enjoying an afternoon basking in the sun.  I cannot wait until spring!  I am so ready for longer days, warmer weather, flowers, green grass, etc.  I've already started shopping (online window shopping) for swing sets for Samantha and William.  Oh, and I about died from excitement when I went to Target and saw kites and tee ball sets in the same aisle that used to have sleds!  Just a side note, I am always giddy in Target.  Something about that store makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and then I have this urge to spend money we don't have.  I could go on and on about the wonders of Target, but I think that might have to wait for another day.  Basically I am just excited for Spring and Summer too, but lets not talk about summer, because it just reminds me that I need to start working out so I can actually find a cute swimsuit that I look decent in.  Now there is a topic to blog about!

I love every other Friday!

Steve has an awesome job!  Don't ask me what he does because it involves computers and software, and to me that is a foreign language.  His job is awesome because he has every other Friday off!  So every other weekend is a three day weekend for us!  I love it!  He gets to spend more time with the kids, I get a break from the kids, and it gives us an opportunity to visit with more of our friends and family.  When I was still working at the Credit Union I used to be so sad and jealous that he got to stay home with the kids all day, but now that I am no longer working it is such a joy to join in on the fun!  I am especially excited about this spring and summer!  We can go on picnics, hikes (small ones), go up to the lake, go swimming... the list can go on and on!  Having this kind of time to spend together as a family is such a blessing.  I am definitely going to cherish each little moment, even if they seem like insignificant moments.  Despite the stress involving William's health, I am filled with joy.  It's days like today and times with family that I feel empowered.  I feel like my tank is on full and I am ready to take on the world.  Okay, maybe I am being a little dramatic but you get my drift.  Well my friends, its 11:32 and Steve is next to me sound asleep and I am sooooo ready to lay my head down and sink into my pillow.  Good Night.    

Life happens

For the last couple of months Steve and I have been concerned about our baby boy's growth and development.  A lot of people raise there eyebrows when we tell them our concerns because when you look at him, he looks perfectly fine.  For the most part he is a healthy baby boy.  He has a strong heart, good eyes, good hearing, normal poops, good hand-eye coordination etc.  We told William's pediatrician our worries and she too noticed he was more floppy than most babies his age.  Imagine a bobble head, it's a horrible analogy, but that's how William was moving his head.  At the time he was still struggling with tummy time and had yet to left up his head and support himself on his arms.  Let me quickly mention that since this visit William has improved a ton!  Anyway, she suggested we visit with a pediatric neurologist about Williams delays   She told us the sooner we find anything, if there is something, the better.  To our luck a pediatric neurologist from Seattle was planning a visit to Missoula and wanted to take volunteers for hour long examinations!  We couldn't have been more lucky!  A free visit with a specialist doesn't come around very often. 

So last Tuesday we met with the Doctor and he looked over William and from hearing about his history and growth charts he was able to rule out any type of muscle degenerative disease or cerebral palsy, but, he too was concerned with his muscle tone (the amount of tension or resistance to movement in muscle) and joint control (his floppiness.)  The actual medical term is called hypotonia.  The underlying cause for Hypotonia is usually very difficult to diagnose, so being that, we are going to do an MRI on William's brain.  This way we can either detect or eliminate any developmental delays or problems in the brain.  The reason we are going through with this is that early intervention is always the best.  If there is something there, we can take steps now to help William.  Either with physical therapy and/or occupational therapy.  

Another thing the doctor noticed was a ridge on his forehead that runs down to his nose.  I had noticed before, but never thought anything of it.  I just figured it was the shape of his head.  Nothing serious.  Oops!  Was I ever wrong.  It is the shape of his forehead, but only because his suture (soft spot) on that part of his skull fused together prematurely (craniosynostosis).  Of course he isn't 100% sure of this, so it's another reason to conduct the MRI.  If the suture did fuse together and it's serious enough, William will have to go through surgery to reopen the suture to allow for proper brain growth, and to also eliminate any pressure on the brain.  Surgery of this magnitude has me freaked out, but I am going to make an effort not to freak out until we know more. 

A lot of people are wondering how I am staying calm through out all this.  First, I am not always this composed.  I was definitely a mess in the doctors office.  Second, I don't feel like wasting time and stressing out right now since we don't even know if there is something to worry about.  And last, I have to trust that God knows what he is doing in William's life and mine.  I asked my husband, "why do you think God let's things like this happen?"  He responded in a couple different ways.  Maybe doctors will learn something from all this, and than in turn maybe thousands of other children can be helped.  Personally for me, it's made me realize how sheltered I am and how lucky I am to already have one healthy child.  It's changed my perceptive on parenting too.  I have so much more patience now!  I am so thankful for my children even when they are crying, throwing fits, yelling at me, etc.  At least I have them!  I can hold them, love them, kiss them...it is such a joy.  Too bad it takes something so major to change my outlook.  I also think, it's a way for me to encourage parents to be on top of it when it comes to taking your children to the doctor.  Pediatricians want to see your children every few months during the first couple years for a reason.  If we hadn't taken William to his 4 month check up, all of this could have gone undetected!  That scares me.  If it's nothing and we were just being paranoid, who cares.  At least we'll know.  William's MRI is next Tuesday, so let's pray for some solid answers, obviously good ones.  

Time flies...

Wow, this week flew by!  Why is it that as you get older, the days, weeks, months, and years feel shorter?  It's a strange feeling, and lately I am having difficulty remembering what I did on certain days of the week.  Either I am aging really fast or I am like any mother who wakes up once or twice during the night to nurse a hungry baby.  Let's hope it's the latter!  So, let's replay the week...

Monday - This was the only uneventful day of the week.  We stayed inside and played with toys and watched movies.  It was chill and rather relaxing.  A good way to start the week if I must say so. Oh! I almost forgot - we painted the downstairs bathroom too.  Not sure I like the color, but I'll give it a couple more days and wait until the rest of the bathroom is finished.

Tuesday - The kids and I went over to my best friend's apartment for the afternoon and invited ourselves to stay for dinner.  Samantha was definitely excited to hang out at Auntie Kacey's house and play with her toy's (Auntie Kacey doesn't have toys, but Sam has this knack for making anything her toy.)  William also had a good time, and was a very happy, content baby.  Especially after he unleashed a fury of poo!  I'm talking about the kind of blow outs where the poo squishes out and up his back and then down the front of his legs. He received a bath right away!

Wednesday - We decided to join our friends for a play date/lunch date.  There were three moms and nine kids!  It was loud at times, but all in all a success!  Samantha had a great time playing with her friends!  I can't tell you how thankful I am for these days when she can socialize with other kiddos.  For so long, since about the age of three months old, Samantha has always been surrounded by other kids to play with thanks to day care, but now it's basically just me and her (and William too.)  I think it's so rewarding for kids to learn, at even an early age, how to socialize with other kids.  And now that she's not in daycare, I want to make sure she has the time and opportunity to be with others her age.

Thursday - Yesterday morning was crazy!  We all slept in which was a huge mistake since I had a massive to do list.  So, it was a quick breakfast for Samantha, I skipped breakfast (no surprise there), although I did make sure to squeeze in time for coffee!  We showered and bathed in supersonic time, and I was doing great until I realized I had no clean jeans to wear.  I did however have a load of jeans that needed to be switched over to the dryer.  Okay, I can do this!  I'll nurse William while the jeans are drying.  Perfect!  Wrong!  Williams was an angel, but I didn't realize until much later that the dryer setting was on low!  So my jeans never fully dried.  Nothing is worse than putting on a damp pair of jeans in the dead of winter.  Despite the crazy morning I was still able to make it out of the house at 10:05.  Not too bad considering all.  We quickly attended an open house for Koinonia (a Woman's Bible study and fellowship time), which I must say I am super excited about.  Later that night we had our good friends over for dinner, thankfully William took a long nap while I prepared dinner.  A good way to end a crazy day!

And Now it's Friday!!!  Yea for the weekend!  But this is not the only good news!  Steve and I bought a new car today! (Excuse me for all the exclamation marks, but I can't contain my excitement and shock)  I should clarify, we bought a used car, but it's new to us.  Lately our Jeep (which is no longer ours) has been a money pit!  Recently we took a trip to Spokane and on our way home the Jeep was wigging out!  It was a scary and unsettling feeling since we had both kids with us.  That's when we decided enough was enough!  So, now we have a safe and reliable car that we can hopefully drive for a very long time.  It's funny, but this is the first vehicle Steve and I have bought as a couple.  It wasn't funny however when we wrote the check.  We were both shaking a little bit and I am glad Steve wrote the check because I don't think my hands were steady enough.  But, I feel very good about the purchase despite the financial blow to our savings account.  I guess I'll have to go easy on the shoe shopping for a while :)  

I wondering what tomorrow will bring....

Finding Balance

Today is a weird day.  That's the only way to describe it.  Both the kids are testing my patience, and if you know me at all, you know I lack in that department.  William is Mr. Crabby Pants today!  If I'm not holding him and bouncing him around he's freaking out.  This doesn't work when I have a three year old who wants me to play with her.  I worry that Samantha will grow up to resent William, and me, because on so many occasions I have to deny her my time.  I hate it!  She wants my attention so badly, but William also needs me.  For example, today she wanted me to play a game with her; in the middle of our game William started crying and I knew he was hungry.  So, I had to tell her to put the game away and find another toy to play with while I fed William.  I didn't want to, but I had no choice.  How do I find a balance and give both of them equal time? 

To make matters more difficult Samantha has an attitude of a teenager.  She doesn't listen, she talks back, and I have to tell her a million times to do something until she actually does it.  Everyone keeps telling me that this stage will pass.  That all three year olds are like this, but I am afraid she might just be this way forever.  I don't want to think of her as spoiled, but she sure acts like it.  Unfortunately, one of her new phrases to say is "I can do what I want!"  Um, I don't think so.  Don't get me wrong, she is a good girl.  She has such a big heart.  She loves her brother so much, in fact she will sing to him when he is upset.  She scolds me when I yell at the cats, even though they deserve it.  And she gives the best hugs and kisses.  How can one child have so much personality and so many different sides to her?  So you're probably asking yourself, okay what's so weird about this day?  Sounds like a typical day with an infant and toddler to me.  And it is, but the strange thing is, I am loving today!  Despite my headache (most likely caused by my two children), and the urge to pull out my hair, I am having a great day!  Now, that is one big oxymoron!  Seeing William smile in between his fits, and watching Samantha color with so much concentration, makes up for all the bad moments. 

Now, if only I can master the art of having patience.  This is definitely my biggest challenge, and I am constantly having to work on this daily.  Just recently, I have really felt a desire to lift up this challenge to God.  Daily I ask him to give me guidance and wisdom in raising my children.  I want to love them without spoiling them, discipline without yelling (this is a tough one for me), and to teach them that our God is a loving and forgiving God, and that we need to live our lives for him.  Wish me luck. :)

A New Job.

I've been meaning to start a blog for some time now, and today I finally have the time!  Why am I doing this?  I have no idea!  It's not like I have profound words of wisdom to share, and I speak with my friends and family almost daily.  I guess I just need an outlet for my random thoughts that hit my through out the day.  Plus it will give me something to do, especially on cold, snowy days, while the kids are sleeping.  Since I quit my job about three months ago, I've come to realize that being at home with my two kids (Samantha who is 3, and William who is 5 months old) is not all that I thought it would be.  I thought it would be days filled with games, toys, movies, playdates etc... and it is, but it's not as full-filling as I thought.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being at home with my kids.  Nothing makes me happier than having the chance to raise my kids and seeing every moment of their life right now.  I won't miss anything, and I love that!  I definitely don't regret my decision to quit my job, but I feel like I'm missing something.  Maybe, I'm not used to this kind of work.  I'm used to a 8-5, hour lunches, 15 minute breaks, and having the chance to get out of the house and have my own thing going on.  Now, my day revolves around two little munchkins, and I don't have my own time.  It sounds selfish, I know.  I feel bad even thinking this.  I know this job is ten times more important than any 8 to 5 kind of job.  I just hope I am cut out for it.  I have to admit, there have been times I have called my husband at work and cried to him over the phone, usually freaking out because Samantha is being naughty or William won't stop crying.  Hopefully I'm never on speaker phone or his office would start talking about, Steve's crazy wife.  I just keep telling myself, it will get easier.  I will get used to this new job.  I'm just going to take it one day at a time (reason for title of blog.)  I believe in many ways this blog will do me good.  It will give me the, "my time" I so crave.  And who knows, maybe I will say something profound that will change the life of someone who is reading this, not likely, but you never know.