Mama said there'll be days like this. "There'll be days like this," my mama said.

Oh how those lyrics are so true!  Today was definitely one of those days.  It all started when I woke up with a sore throat and a pounding headache that not even a pot of caffeine could cure.  The funny thing is, kids don't give you a break when you feel like poo.  Even before I poured my first cup of coffee, the kids were quick to ask for breakfast, in their own ways.  William just screamed and Sam seemed to ask me, "what's for breakfast?" a million times.  She always got the same answer, "I don't know yet."  Since we were away for the weekend the fridge and pantry were close to empty, so I decided on muffins.  We always seem to have muffin mix.  What I thought was a good choice quickly turned into a bad choice.  The thing is, muffins take time.  You have to mix it all up, pre-heat the oven, pour the batter into the muffin pan, and then wait 10-15 minutes.  The kids were not happy with me.  They wanted breakfast and they wanted it now.

After breakfast I turned the kids loose so I could pick up the disaster created in the kitchen and hopefully squeeze in a shower.  After only a couple of minutes, I heard William let out quite the scream. I ran into his sister's room, where he was playing with her kitchen stuff, and sure enough he had a big scratch under his eye.  I'm still not sure how he got it (Sam is innocent btw, she was in the playroom while all this went down), but he is now sporting a good ole shiner, just in time for Halloween.  I finally calmed him down just in time for Samantha to have an accident.  Oh great!  I guess I'll clean the kitchen later and shower later.  After I changed Samantha's clothes, I decided her hair needed some attention since she went to bed with slightly damp hair.  Talk about bed head!  I should mention, Samantha hates her hair being combed and I don't blame her.  Her hair gets tangled very easily and its hard to comb her hair without it hurting.  After what seemed like 30 minutes I finally get all the tangles out and make two cute little piggy tails.  I go check on William and of course I am greeted with a smell that could knock your socks off.  Oh boy!  This is going to be bad.  And it was.  To make matters worse William loves to squirm when being changed.  Poo went everywhere.  After I sanitized every surface of his room, myself, and Will, I go see what Samantha is up too.  I look in her room, and there she is wrestling with her big stuffed bear.  What used to be cute little piggy tails now looked like a big rats nest of static and goo!  I wanted to scream and throw the stupid bear out the window.

The morning continued on, and before I knew it, it was 11:30.  Time to start lunch and add to the mountain of disaster in the kitchen.  I might add, I hate preparing lunch.  Its difficult to prepare a quick and healthy meal.  So spaghetti and meatballs it is, with a side of grapes and yogurt.  Very random, but I try to get all the food groups involved.  That did not turn out well, at least not for my kitchen floor.  William thought it great fun to fling the noodles onto the floor.  And Sam, picked at her food like normal.  Thank God for Flintstone Vitamins because I don't think my kids ate much of anything at lunch today.  After lunch, William started rubbing his eyes.  Yes! Hallelujah!  Now only one child to deal with while the other one sleeps.  Is that wrong of me?  Actually I don't care.  I needed a little break.  

But of course did I get a break?  No!  How silly of me to think that would happen.  As of late Samantha has quickly learned that when William takes a nap, she has Mama all to herself.  Which I don't mind at all, except today.  I just really wanted to shower.  Yes, it's true I was still in my pjs.   So first we made a cute little pumpkin craft (that took entirely way too long), then she wanted to play school, and then she wanted to play games.  After a few rounds of Hi-Ho Cheerio (a clever game for toddlers, but a very boring game for adults), I finally had had enough.  I told Sam she needed to go play with her toys in her bedroom or playroom.  She was not happy with this idea.  Seriously, I have never met a child that struggles entertaining herself as much as Samantha.  I took to the computer to check my Facebook.  God forbid I miss some Facebook gossip.  I looked at Pinterest for recipes ideas, then Target.com for Christmas shopping inspiration, and sadly took another look at Facebook.  Ahh, quiet time.  

Not long after that, William woke up.  Bye bye quiet time.  Thankfully William woke up in a great mood, and wanted to join his sister in the playroom.  Alrighty, while they're entertaining each other, I will get dinner ready.  Hmmmm...what to cook for dinner?  Ummmm...what sounds good?  Let me think... Chicken and rice.  A go to dinner! That sounds good, but mostly easy!  Did I mention, I still hadn't showered.  Of course, just as I am getting dinner ready, the door bell rings.  "Who the heck could that be, and crap they're going to see me look like..crap!"  It turned out only to be a door to door salesmen trying to sell some cleaning solution.  He would not shut up!  Do I look like someone who has time to clean?!  For goodness' sake, I am still in my pjs, my hair is a bigger rats nest than Sam's, there is a disaster in my kitchen, the kids are screaming about something...GO AWAY!  Okay, I didn't really say that, but I told him "now is not a good time", and that was the honest truth.  

Today, was not a good time.  My poor husband came home to a smelly wife, smelly house, and a sub-par dinner.  Before he knew it, I was in tears venting every thought that came across my mind.  He looked shell-shocked.  After my rant, I looked at him and stated "I think I am going to take a shower."  So off I went.  I stood in the bathroom and started at myself in the mirror for a few seconds.  Ewww, was the only thing that came to mind.  And then I did the thing where you stare at yourself in the mirror while you cry.  Please, tell me some of you do this, or else I might admit myself to the loony bin.  After a few minutes I felt better, so I turned my ipod on and blasted some Adele (I LOVE her music).  I made sure it was loud enough so Steve wouldn't hear me sing along and miss every single note.  Plus the louder the music the easier it was to ignore every little sound of my children.  Oh, did I just say that out loud?  I am for sure going to win mother of the year now, Bwhahahaha!  I turned the shower on and spent the next 20 minutes in Heaven.  It was the best shower EVER!  I took my time.  I didn't have to rush out of the shower to attend to the kids because the worlds best husband was out there manning the chaos.  I left the conditioner in my hair for the recommended time, something I never have time to do.  I made sure to use a ridiculous amount of body wash just to make things extra bubbly, and I shaved off the forest of tree stumps growing on my legs.  It was magical.  

The lesson learned today.  When things get a little messy, take a shower.  It rejuvenates!  

Let's catch up...

Finally I am feeling motivated to write.  I can't even tell you the number of times I have stared at the blank page before me, wanting to write but just not having the drive to do so.  I am going to blame my lack of motivation on the wonderful summer we spent.  If I had a spare moment, I was outside.  It was wonderful!  It didn't take long to feel settled into our new house, so the minute the unpacking was complete, I took to the outdoors.  Our days were filled with swimming pools, trips to the river, walks around the neighborhood, a hike here and there, ice cream outings to Big Dipper (Yellow Cake is by far their best flavor), bon fires and smores, shooting hoops in our driveway... you get my point.  So, by the time the sun set behind the mountains I was exhausted!  The last thing I wanted to do was sit down and write.  This summer was all play!  This was also the first summer that I didn't have to work.  Wait, let me rephrase that. This was the first summer that I wasn't stuck indoors working a mundane 8-5 job.  However, I still had my work cut out for me.  Both kids kept me busy all hours of the day.  Samantha no longer takes naps, so there went my "me time", and the older William gets the busier he is.  All in all it was a busy busy summer, but I wouldn't trade it in for the world.

I mentioned before that it didn't take long to get settled into our new house.  Of course it took a while to get everything unpacked and pictures hung on the wall, but from the moment we moved in, the house felt like home.  I was worried that I would miss our old house, but I can honestly say I don't miss it at all.  Even the extra drive doesn't bother me (we'll see how I feel about the drive in the winter.)  Okay, I do miss our old trex deck.  I am not looking forward to staining our front and back deck next spring.  But other than that, the house is perfect for us, and more importantly its a perfect fit for the kids.  

Not only was the house a huge blessing, but William is showing lots of improvements and just in the last few weeks he has shown so much progress.  I LOVE it!  We did meet with a Genetic Specialist from Shodair, and I walked away from that appointment feeling a lot of peace, which is something new for me.  We didn't necessarily get any answers, at least not the kind that would explain his hypotonia, but the Specialist feels his hypotonia is benign.  Our plan of action is to continue to monitor William's physical development and in 9 months from now meet with him again, and at that stage determine whether to do a muscle biopsy.  I wish I was better at explaining all this, put during the course of our visit I felt like one of the characters from the Peanuts when they are listening to a teacher or adult.  A lot of it went over my head.  Here's just a glimpse of what we heard;

Neurological:  Severe hypotonia of the trunk with relatively good head control.  No spasticity is evident.  The knee jerks and symmetric and there is no ankle clonus.

Summary:  William does exhibit significant hypotonia...He most likely will turn out to have benign congenital hypotonia (good news) which usually normalizes by the age of 2 or 3 years.  Some cases of benign congenital hypotonia are caused by autosomal recessive cytochrome oxidase deficiency (talk about a long name) which would require a muscle biopsy for confirmations

Given the decreased muscle mass, I would be more concerned about a congenital myopathy with abnormal muscle structure rather than a mitochondrial or metabolic myopathy....

If you are like me, by the time you finished reading, all you could think was "wtf" (I hate using that abbreviation, but it fits).  Anyway, you get my point.  There is no way I could put all of that in my own words.  This stuff is crazy!  Funny thing is, spell check doesn't recognize any of these words.  They all show up as misspelled!  But, in all seriousness, we do feel very good about the progress William is making, and we feel comfortable ruling out any cognitive delays.  Although, he's still so young to determine that for sure.  He is a happy boy and LOVES following his big sister around.  In the last few months these two are proving to be good buddies.  They will sit down and hand each other toys.  They feed off of each other's laughter.  If one starts to laugh the other is quick to follow.  It is such a joy to watch these two interact with each other and you can really see how much they love one another.  And that alone puts a smile on my face.  

E

Moving Day!

It's official, tomorrow at 2:00 we can move into our new house and start calling it our home!  The feeling is so surreal.  I never thought our summer would begin with us selling our house and moving.  When we first started talking about listing the house we figured it would be up on the market for at least six months.  Never in our wildest dreams did we think the house would sell in a week, none the less at full asking price, and have our offer accepted on another house.  The timing could not have been more perfect.  My cousin put it perfectly, "God is good."  The new house is going to be such a blessing to our family.  It has tons of room to run, play, entertain, and best of all, everything is upstairs, except the guest room.  The children's rooms are just across the hall from our bedroom, and the peace of mind that comes with that is priceless.  I loved our old home (it feels weird to say that) but I hated the idea of William or Samantha downstairs by themselves.  Maybe I am over-protective and paranoid, but this mama is going to do whatever she can to protect her babies.

Already my mind is swirling with ideas of paint, decor, flowers, landscaping, etc... this is going to be fun!  I'm sure Steve is cringing right now just thinking about what this is going to do to our checking account.  But in actuality, the damage shouldn't be too bad.  We have years to save up and think about our upcoming projects.  This is it!  This is the house we will call home forever, or at least until we retire and move to Kauai.  So no big rush on the projects (like we did with the previous house) instead we can enjoy the new setting and begin new memories.

I'm not going to lie, leaving our house on Skyview was sad.  After all it was our home for five years.  It was our first house as a married couple, both kids were born there (technically Community Hospital, but you get my point), and so many memories were created there.  It felt so weird standing in the house completing bare of all furniture, pictures, and messes.  As I walked around to each room saying my final farewell I was filled with a surprising amount of sadness.  Every where I looked I saw a memory.  I had to remind myself as I locked the door for the last time that its not the house that makes it a home but the people that live there.  I know we have so many things to look forward to at our new home.

Speaking of the people that make our houses homes, everyone is doing great!  Samantha is back on track with her potty training, she's been a delight, and she too is excited for the "yellow house."  We just completed our first week ever of Summer Adventure Week at our church, and it was amazing!  I had the pleasure of volunteering as a guide and it was amazing to watch these kids learn about God and His love for us.  Samantha also had the opportunity to get in on the action.  Everyday they took the kids around to the different activities and drama's, and she often came home with a cute little craft.  We will definitely be participating next year!

Master William is getting stronger everyday.  He can sit up now with very little support, and if he starts to fall forward or to the side he can usually catch himself before he falls.  He can also scoot around quite well.  He still has yet to get up on all fours at the same time, but I don't think it will be too long from now.  We visited a neurologist in Spokane a couple of weeks ago, and he is almost positive his hypotonia is caused by something genetic within the muscle itself or something genetic in his metabolic makeup.  We didn't get any answers, but we didn't walk away with more questions either.  It's just another step in the process.  We also have to prepare ourselves for the possibility that we may never figure out why he is this way.  All we can do is continue his therapy and trust that God will do the rest.  But I am encouraged as of late with all the progress he is making.  Let's pray it continues.

Well, William has been asleep the entire time I've been blogging and I am sure my luck is running out so I think now is a good time to stop while I am ahead.

House for Sale!!!

It's official; we have our house on the market!  With the interest rates so low, now is a good time for us to give it a try and possibly find something a little bigger (preferably with three bedrooms upstairs and a bigger living room).  Granted it's not a sellers market, but since we are not under any pressure to sale right away, it definitely doesn't hurt to see what happens.  Plus we'll be motivated to get all the random house projects done that we keep procrastinating on, like the base board trim downstairs.  We haven't had any since we first moved in!  So, if we have no bites on our house at least we'll get some work out of the way :)  The tricky part is trying to keep the house clean and organized for showings.  It's a tough task to tackle with little ones in the house.

At first the idea scared me, but after a lot of thinking and of course number crunching, I now feel like this is going to be a win-win situation.  If we find a new home that fits our needs better and sale ours, awesome!  If not, I won't be crushed because I do like our house now (I didn't like it five years ago)  We have good neighbors, a nice yard,  and a good school close by.  We have nothing to loose.  If it's meant to be, things will happen.  We talked to a lot of Realtors, friends, and family, and the majority of them agree, now is a good time for us to try as long as we are careful and don't get in over our heads.  And knowing Steve and his methodical ways, I am not worried about that happening.  Of course there were the few negative comments out there, and I'll admit they hurt, but I've decided to not let them get me down, because this is an exciting time for us and as long as we feel comfortable with it, then thats all that matters.

We've already looked at several places for sale, and so far two are really make us think hard.  And surprisingly they are both located in Lolo.  The more I think about it, the more I like Lolo.  It's only 10 minutes away from Missoula, we have friends out there so I wouldn't feel isolated, and its quiet and safe.  Plus, we've heard some good things about the schools out there.  Five years ago, we wouldn't have cared at all about school districts, but now with two kids, our priorities change a lot!

If anything, we are having a blast looking at houses.  It's fun to see how people decorate (or their lack of decorating skills) and we have discovered so many cool areas of Missoula that we didn't even know existed.  And looking at some of the houses out there really make us stop and appreciate our house and the work we put into it.  If we do sale the house, I know I will miss two things.  The deck and the view.  But, I could leave those behind if that means we find a house that we want to live in for 20-30 years, maybe even longer.  Our major need is space.  We don't need or even want a mansion, just something with a better floor plan.  It's weird, we've looked at a couple places that are smaller square footage than our current house, but because of the layout they feel bigger.  Right now, I just have to remind myself not to get too attached to a house because first we need to sale ours, and with this market it could be awhile.  Having patience is key!  So we just wait and see.  Like I said before, either way I will be happy because I already feel blessed at it is.

Yay for warmer weather!

It seems Spring has finally reached Montana, at least Missoula anyway.  However; I've learned from years past not to get too excited.  One day it could be 50 degrees outside, the next day there could be snow covering the ground.  That's Spring time for ya! Earlier today my husband and I let our daughter play at the park near William's physical therapy.  While William was inside exercising with me and the therapist, Samantha and Steve enjoyed the beautiful morning, running, sliding, throwing sand (not one of my favorite activities), and more running.  When we got home, Samantha immediately started running around our yard, literally in circles.  You could tell she's been wanting to do that for a long time.  This nice weather came just in time!  Lately both Samantha and I have been a bit grouchy, to say the least.  I have a feeling our moods are directly related to the weather, and we are both getting tired and bored with the small amount of indoor activities Missoula has to offer.  So lets hope, for everyone's sake, the weather continues to warm up each day.

With Spring, Easter is quickly approaching!  I don't know why but as I get older the more I appreciate Easter.  When I was younger, Easter only meant a couple of things; dying Easter eggs, chocolate bunnies, and a longer than normal Mass at church.  None of which really appealed to me much.  First, ever since I can remember I've never liked eggs, especially hard boiled eggs.  Second, I would have much rather had a new toy then a chocolate bunny.  And lastly, the longer Mass..., one word, boring!  But now, I love dying Easter eggs with my daughter (I still won't eat one and neither will Sam), and I would take a chocolate bunny any day of the week.  The more chocolate the better!  As far as Mass... I'm not sure.  It's been awhile since I've attended a Catholic Service.  However, for the last couple of years my husband and I have been attending service at Missoula Alliance Church.  We love it there!  It's such a comfortable church!  Everyone is friendly, they have an awesome children's ministry program, the sermons and subject matter always relate to your life in some way, and most of all I don't get bored.  Over the years we have met so many amazing people from MAC and those people have become some of our closets friends.  I couldn't be more blessed!  So this year, I am even more excited then ever to attend our Easter service.

We also have a huge surprise for Samantha, and I am hoping we can give it to her on Easter.  We finally found and bought the perfect wooden swing set!  When we bought our house almost 5 years ago, I was very hesitant!  When Steve pulled up to show me the house the first time, right away I said "I don't like it!"  But as we toured the house and walked around the yard I began to have a change of heart.  I think what finally convinced me was the yard, especially the backyard.  It's just the right size, has a gorgeous view of Missoula, and even though we live on a hill, the yard has enough level space for a swing set.  If we ever sell the house (which we plan on doing eventually) it's going to be tough to find a yard that beats this one.  I know I am going to love our backyard even more now that we are going to have a swing set!  We won't have to go down to the park anymore.  We'll have our very own park in our backyard!!!  If I am this excited, I can't wait to see Samantha's face when she sees it for the first time!  The plan (as long as it ships here in time) is to put it together either Friday or Saturday, and then on Easter Sunday hide Samantha's eggs in such a way that it leads her to her swing set!  TA-DA!  Nothing can compare to the happiness that comes from seeing your own child's joy and happiness.  That's my favorite part of being a parent.

It's been awhile!

Wow, I can't believe it's been over a month since my last post!  I am seriously slacking.  So where do I begin...

Let's start with Samantha.  She always gives me lots of material to blog about.  We are in limbo as far as naps go. Some days Sam can go without a nap just fine, other days her naps seem to be a necessity.  For example, today we took her to Williams physical therapy, we ran errands, and went out to eat.  With all these activities one would think she would need a nap, but when we got home she was fine.  No sign of her getting tired anytime soon.  I actually say this with a bit of sadness since nap times are the perfect time for me to clean the house, blog, read, or do my yoga exercises.  Now instead, I play hide and seek, play-doh, puzzels, board games etc.  Which I don't mind, it's fun being a kid again, but those games get old fast.  There is however a downfall to her taking a nap.  If she naps we usually can't get her to go to bed until about 10:30.  That's past my bed time!

She still tries my patience every day, but I'm getting better and better recognizing what's a mountain and what's a molehill.  I definitely have to pick my battles.  Surprisingly enough, she is starting to try more foods!  For the longest time I couldn't even get her to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  What kid won't eat pb'nj?  So my friend gave me a brilliant idea.  Take a cookie cutter and cut the sandwich into a fun shape.  It works like a charm!  Now her lunches are healthier, and cute too!

Now for William.  Oh Mr. William!  I think at this point I could write a novel about him.  So last you heard, his MRI results came back normal.  Praise God!  But, at the same time, it's annoying because we don't know why he's hypotonic.  For a while there I was feeling very hopeful that he was making quick progress, but now any progress he's making seems to take soooo long.  We started physical therapy about four weeks ago, and
his physical therapist figured he is about two to three months behind.  Which isn't that bad considering lots of kids take there sweet time learning to crawl and sit up.  With William it's different.  He really does have low muscle tone, especially in his abdomen/lower back (his core muscles.)  At first Steve and I considered only attending physical therapy long enough to learn his exercises.  Then once we figured those out we would just stop going since it's expensive.  But we've had a change of heart.  We will go as long as necessary.  Even if we end up broke and in debt.  From every thing I've read (which Steve tells me not to read) and from what his therapist says, the best thing we can do is intervene now.  And even though we are comfortable with his exercises, I strongly feel the physical therapist will be the one who can determine whether or not he is making progress, and what other steps we can take.  This will be a struggle on us financially, but if we don't do this, he will be the one struggling, not us.  If we don't take these steps now, his hypotonia could effect the way his is forever.  He could have difficulty walking and potentially develop severe scoliosis.  I know deep down that God is the only one in control and he already has William's life laid out, I just pray that his life involves runny.

As for me; I've made a huge life changing decision.  I've decided to learn to sew!  This is huge because I am not the domestic type.  My Aunt asked me if I wanted her old sewing machine which once belonged to my grandma, and I figured, why the heck not!  So I brought it home, put it on a desk, and stared at it for a while.  I had no idea where to begin.  I had a spool of thread, some fabric, and a manual that looked like it was printed back in 1970.  Being a bit intimidated, I recruited my husband to help me.  After some time we finally figured out how to thread the bobbin and the top thread.  Talk about the blind leading the blind.  I am actually really excited to learn.  If I'm any good, I'll post pictures of my creations.

And can I tell you just how excited I am for Spring!  I can't wait to get outside more!  This winter has felt like the longest winter ever.  I guess I better start figuring out what flowers I want to plant before it's too late.  I think I am more excited then ever because this will be the first Spring and Summer that I am at home with my kids.  No more days staring longingly out the windows at work wishing I too could be outside enjoying the sunshine, because I will be outside!!!  Hooray!

After all, she is 3

A while back I mentioned my concern with Samantha's attitude, and if I remember correctly I used the term spoiled.  I am totally wrong.  She isn't spoiled.  I've come to realize that I was being too hard on Samantha and over analyzing everything!  Sometimes I forget, she's three!  Who ever came up with the saying "terrible twos" must not have been a parent!  Three is way worse than two!

My new stance came about from recent outings to the mall and McDonald's (yes, I let my child eat crap food every once in awhile.)  In both places I witnessed children throwing huge screaming fits and the parent backing down to them.  These children were in control of their parents.  Even though these children were in control, they were out of control wild!  On two different occasions, Samantha was pushed or hit (on purpose) by other little children.  It was refreshing because Samantha looked at me with pure shock on her face.  She didn't know what to do, but she knew not to hit back and she knew hitting was bad.

Another thing that changed my mind is Samantha's reaction to the word "no."  If she asks for candy at the store, or to watch TV and I say "no", she's fine with it.  She doesn't throw herself down kicking and screaming, instead she goes off to find something else to occupy her time.  Although, I've heard her stomp her feet and give a little huff, but I would much rather deal with that, then an explosion.  In fact, I'm glad she shows some dissatisfaction.  I don't want to raise a daughter who lets people walk all over her.  She needs to express her discontent in some way and stomping her feet at this age, is a way better choice than throwing a temper tantrum.  I could learn a thing or two from her.  I can't even begin to count the times I have seen children cry and scream because they had to leave the toy store.  I'm sure I was one of those kids.  I can think of only one time that Samantha fell to the floor like a noodle while leaving The Learning Tree.  Not too bad considering she's three.  Even as I write this, I feel so convicted.  I can't believe I called her spoiled!  I'm remembering so many times where Samantha has chosen the right way.  Just a couple of days ago we where walking in Target, on a mission for something, and of course she wanted to look at the toys, but we were in a hurry and I told her no.  She pleaded for a minute, but then when she realized I wasn't backing down, she stopped and continued on. 

I'm not saying she's perfect.  She knows how to test me and which buttons to push, and she tries to manipulate us at times, but all in all, she is such a good girl.   Her newest trick is to say "I just wanted to give you a hug and kiss" right after I scold her for doing something naughty.  Nice try Samantha, but I am smarter than you think.  What matters most, to me at least, is her character.  Samantha has a big heart.  She is empathic; she hates to see us sad or upset for any reason, she is caring; she sings or gives toys to William to cheer him up, and she's kind to everyone...you get my point. 

So what if she jumps on the couch, even after I told her for the 100th time not to, or refuses to eat her dinner one night.  In my eyes those are molehills, and I am not going to turn them into mountains.  I don't know what possessed me to think she was spoiled, and to blog about it.  I guess I was just having one of those days where I needed to vent.  I can tell you right now, I feel so blessed to have such a precious daughter. 

Thank God for Husbands

The saying, "distance makes the heart grow fonder", couldn't be more true!  Steve left for New Orleans last Sunday for a business trip and when we picked him up on Thursday I was filled with happiness, relief, and thanksgiving.  I hate when he leaves for trips, and this time proved to be the most difficult.  Instead of heading to work and dropping the kids off at daycare (I've come to realize work is a reprieve from all the challenges of being at home with the kids all day), I had to take care of both kids 24/7 all by myself.  Steve didn't come home at 5:30 to take the kids off my hands, he wasn't there in the middle of the night to help change a diaper or feed William.  It was me and me alone, and it sucked!  I quickly realized how much Steve does for this family, not that I ever doubted his hard work and willingness to help out.  I got to hand it to all you single parents out there, the work you do is hard and I admire you so much.

The worst part of Steve being away was not being the only parent, but instead being the only one around period.  Sure I had the kids to keep me company but, when they went to bed, it was me and a silent house.  I would lay in bed and listen to all the sounds of the house, and soon I was convinced someone was trying to break in and kill me and kidnap the kids (I have a very active imagination!).  On one occasion I walked around the house carrying my pepper spray ready to attack my attacker.  My attacker turned out to be our cat Harrison, trying to jump on top of Samantha's closet shelf.  I didn't get much sleep that night or any night that Steve was away.  It's scary and a bit unsettling realizing that I am responsible for my childrens' safety.  They count on me to protect them!  How can I protect them when I feel like I can't protect myself?  I know the chances of anything bad happening to us is low since we live in a nice neighborhood, and I have a ton of friends and family close by, but I still worry.

And you know the saying, "when it rains it pours"? Yeah that one turned out to be true, too.  That Monday it snowed and snowed and snowed until there was close to 12 inches of snow on the ground.  I felt trapped!  There was no way I was going to pack up two kids, take them out in the cold and windy weather, and try to brave the icy roads down the hill.  Nope, not this mom!  So we stayed inside, watched movies, and ate popcorn.  Well, one thing is for sure, I didn't feel bad about being a couch potato that evening.

To sum up this post, because quite honestly I don't have a lot of time, this week taught me to never take my husband for granted.  He never grumbles when I hand him a "honey do" list, he'll go outside to check on things when I get scared (even if it's one o'clock in the morning), and he always makes time to play and snuggle with our kids.      

Glad that's over.

Good News Everyone!  The MRI results came back normal!  William's brain is growing as it should and it doesn't look like his suture is all the way closed, so at this point we don't need to even think about surgery to his skull!  It's something we will have to be mindful of and we'll definitely be measuring his head at all of his well baby check ups.  It feels so good to have this weight lifted off of us.  I actually slept very sound last night, except the two times William woke up and wanted to eat.  He truly is a growing boy and growing stronger everyday!  I can't even describe the relief I am feeling right now.  He still has a lot of catching up to do, but he will do it on his own time.  We might still do some physical therapy to strengthen his muscles.  My theory is, he loves to snuggle so much he probably doesn't see the reason to sit up.  Of course I give in!  How can I not, he's so stickin cute!  I definitely don't want to rush time, but I can't wait until I see William crawl and eventually walk.  For me that will truly be the end to all my questions.

I also have to mention how touched Steve and I were.  We had so many people praying for William and so many people sending us messages with encouraging words.  It was amazing to see how many people truly care for Will.  It really showed us that we have a huge support system of friends and family.  One of our friends, who experienced having there son go through not one MRI, but TWO, brought us coffee and sat with us in the waiting room during the entire procedure.  Having him there was such a comfort and an awesome distraction too!  I can't thank him enough!  Another family not only watched our daughter Samantha, but they also provided dinner for us.  There are not words to express my gratitude.  I will never forgot every prayer, every encouraging word, and every act of kindness.  I hope, if the time comes, that I too can be there for the same people who were there for us.

Going through this experience really made me value my family.  Not that I didn't already love them to pieces, but it definitely put things into perceptive.  I will never take my children's health for granted.  Sometimes I find myself thinking we were so silly to worry so much and that putting William through an MRI was a bit extreme.  But then I am reminded that I will do whatever is in my power to protect my children and make sure they live happy, healthy lives.  I definitely don't regret it.  Now we know and we have peace of mind, and to me that is priceless.  I hope I still feel this way when we receive our hospital bill :)  If anything it will bring us to our deductible (which is an ungodly amount) early in the year, so if we fall down and break a leg it should be covered by insurance.  Let's hope that doesn't happen.

Sam needs to stop growing and the snow needs to start melting!

Today it really struck me how fast Samantha is growing up.  Before I know It I will be packing her lunches and dropping her off at school.  Watching her grow up is such a joy and I love seeing her reactions to new things, but why does it have to go so fast!?  If I could go back in time, knowing how fast three years goes by, I think I would have chosen to be a stay at home mom a lot sooner.  It feels like yesterday that we first brought Samantha home not really knowing what to do with this 6 pound baby girl.  Now I am trying to figure out what to do with a little girl who is no longer a baby.  But of course we can't go back it time so I have to learn from the past.  For the next couple of years, before she goes to preschool, I am going to cherish every moment with her.  I want to build puzzles with her, have tea parties, paint, play Barbies, build forts, all the wonderful childhood things.  I truly believe these years are the most important years.  In these years I can mold and shape Samantha into a child with character, kindness, and love.  I also think it's the best time to start developing a relationship with Samantha, so that when she is older she knows she can come to me about anything and that I will listen with love and respect.  Not only do I want to trust her, I want her to trust me (and Steve too.)  How am I going to accomplish this?  I have no idea!  But I know I need to start now.  One thing I have been trying to do now, is to take interest in what ever she is doing or saying.  If she wants me to color with her, than I will drop whatever I am doing and color with her.  If she is telling me a story, even if it doesn't make sense, I will actively listen.  Maybe by doing this she will learn that I value her and in turn hopefully she will value herself.

Okay enough looking into the future.  Thinking about Samantha as a teenager is starting to stress me out and I really don't feel like breaking out and looking like I just hit puberty.  On a lighter note, I am sick of this winter weather wonderland.  In my perfect world, winter would end the day after Christmas, and we would now be enjoying an afternoon basking in the sun.  I cannot wait until spring!  I am so ready for longer days, warmer weather, flowers, green grass, etc.  I've already started shopping (online window shopping) for swing sets for Samantha and William.  Oh, and I about died from excitement when I went to Target and saw kites and tee ball sets in the same aisle that used to have sleds!  Just a side note, I am always giddy in Target.  Something about that store makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and then I have this urge to spend money we don't have.  I could go on and on about the wonders of Target, but I think that might have to wait for another day.  Basically I am just excited for Spring and Summer too, but lets not talk about summer, because it just reminds me that I need to start working out so I can actually find a cute swimsuit that I look decent in.  Now there is a topic to blog about!

I love every other Friday!

Steve has an awesome job!  Don't ask me what he does because it involves computers and software, and to me that is a foreign language.  His job is awesome because he has every other Friday off!  So every other weekend is a three day weekend for us!  I love it!  He gets to spend more time with the kids, I get a break from the kids, and it gives us an opportunity to visit with more of our friends and family.  When I was still working at the Credit Union I used to be so sad and jealous that he got to stay home with the kids all day, but now that I am no longer working it is such a joy to join in on the fun!  I am especially excited about this spring and summer!  We can go on picnics, hikes (small ones), go up to the lake, go swimming... the list can go on and on!  Having this kind of time to spend together as a family is such a blessing.  I am definitely going to cherish each little moment, even if they seem like insignificant moments.  Despite the stress involving William's health, I am filled with joy.  It's days like today and times with family that I feel empowered.  I feel like my tank is on full and I am ready to take on the world.  Okay, maybe I am being a little dramatic but you get my drift.  Well my friends, its 11:32 and Steve is next to me sound asleep and I am sooooo ready to lay my head down and sink into my pillow.  Good Night.    

Life happens

For the last couple of months Steve and I have been concerned about our baby boy's growth and development.  A lot of people raise there eyebrows when we tell them our concerns because when you look at him, he looks perfectly fine.  For the most part he is a healthy baby boy.  He has a strong heart, good eyes, good hearing, normal poops, good hand-eye coordination etc.  We told William's pediatrician our worries and she too noticed he was more floppy than most babies his age.  Imagine a bobble head, it's a horrible analogy, but that's how William was moving his head.  At the time he was still struggling with tummy time and had yet to left up his head and support himself on his arms.  Let me quickly mention that since this visit William has improved a ton!  Anyway, she suggested we visit with a pediatric neurologist about Williams delays   She told us the sooner we find anything, if there is something, the better.  To our luck a pediatric neurologist from Seattle was planning a visit to Missoula and wanted to take volunteers for hour long examinations!  We couldn't have been more lucky!  A free visit with a specialist doesn't come around very often. 

So last Tuesday we met with the Doctor and he looked over William and from hearing about his history and growth charts he was able to rule out any type of muscle degenerative disease or cerebral palsy, but, he too was concerned with his muscle tone (the amount of tension or resistance to movement in muscle) and joint control (his floppiness.)  The actual medical term is called hypotonia.  The underlying cause for Hypotonia is usually very difficult to diagnose, so being that, we are going to do an MRI on William's brain.  This way we can either detect or eliminate any developmental delays or problems in the brain.  The reason we are going through with this is that early intervention is always the best.  If there is something there, we can take steps now to help William.  Either with physical therapy and/or occupational therapy.  

Another thing the doctor noticed was a ridge on his forehead that runs down to his nose.  I had noticed before, but never thought anything of it.  I just figured it was the shape of his head.  Nothing serious.  Oops!  Was I ever wrong.  It is the shape of his forehead, but only because his suture (soft spot) on that part of his skull fused together prematurely (craniosynostosis).  Of course he isn't 100% sure of this, so it's another reason to conduct the MRI.  If the suture did fuse together and it's serious enough, William will have to go through surgery to reopen the suture to allow for proper brain growth, and to also eliminate any pressure on the brain.  Surgery of this magnitude has me freaked out, but I am going to make an effort not to freak out until we know more. 

A lot of people are wondering how I am staying calm through out all this.  First, I am not always this composed.  I was definitely a mess in the doctors office.  Second, I don't feel like wasting time and stressing out right now since we don't even know if there is something to worry about.  And last, I have to trust that God knows what he is doing in William's life and mine.  I asked my husband, "why do you think God let's things like this happen?"  He responded in a couple different ways.  Maybe doctors will learn something from all this, and than in turn maybe thousands of other children can be helped.  Personally for me, it's made me realize how sheltered I am and how lucky I am to already have one healthy child.  It's changed my perceptive on parenting too.  I have so much more patience now!  I am so thankful for my children even when they are crying, throwing fits, yelling at me, etc.  At least I have them!  I can hold them, love them, kiss them...it is such a joy.  Too bad it takes something so major to change my outlook.  I also think, it's a way for me to encourage parents to be on top of it when it comes to taking your children to the doctor.  Pediatricians want to see your children every few months during the first couple years for a reason.  If we hadn't taken William to his 4 month check up, all of this could have gone undetected!  That scares me.  If it's nothing and we were just being paranoid, who cares.  At least we'll know.  William's MRI is next Tuesday, so let's pray for some solid answers, obviously good ones.  

Time flies...

Wow, this week flew by!  Why is it that as you get older, the days, weeks, months, and years feel shorter?  It's a strange feeling, and lately I am having difficulty remembering what I did on certain days of the week.  Either I am aging really fast or I am like any mother who wakes up once or twice during the night to nurse a hungry baby.  Let's hope it's the latter!  So, let's replay the week...

Monday - This was the only uneventful day of the week.  We stayed inside and played with toys and watched movies.  It was chill and rather relaxing.  A good way to start the week if I must say so. Oh! I almost forgot - we painted the downstairs bathroom too.  Not sure I like the color, but I'll give it a couple more days and wait until the rest of the bathroom is finished.

Tuesday - The kids and I went over to my best friend's apartment for the afternoon and invited ourselves to stay for dinner.  Samantha was definitely excited to hang out at Auntie Kacey's house and play with her toy's (Auntie Kacey doesn't have toys, but Sam has this knack for making anything her toy.)  William also had a good time, and was a very happy, content baby.  Especially after he unleashed a fury of poo!  I'm talking about the kind of blow outs where the poo squishes out and up his back and then down the front of his legs. He received a bath right away!

Wednesday - We decided to join our friends for a play date/lunch date.  There were three moms and nine kids!  It was loud at times, but all in all a success!  Samantha had a great time playing with her friends!  I can't tell you how thankful I am for these days when she can socialize with other kiddos.  For so long, since about the age of three months old, Samantha has always been surrounded by other kids to play with thanks to day care, but now it's basically just me and her (and William too.)  I think it's so rewarding for kids to learn, at even an early age, how to socialize with other kids.  And now that she's not in daycare, I want to make sure she has the time and opportunity to be with others her age.

Thursday - Yesterday morning was crazy!  We all slept in which was a huge mistake since I had a massive to do list.  So, it was a quick breakfast for Samantha, I skipped breakfast (no surprise there), although I did make sure to squeeze in time for coffee!  We showered and bathed in supersonic time, and I was doing great until I realized I had no clean jeans to wear.  I did however have a load of jeans that needed to be switched over to the dryer.  Okay, I can do this!  I'll nurse William while the jeans are drying.  Perfect!  Wrong!  Williams was an angel, but I didn't realize until much later that the dryer setting was on low!  So my jeans never fully dried.  Nothing is worse than putting on a damp pair of jeans in the dead of winter.  Despite the crazy morning I was still able to make it out of the house at 10:05.  Not too bad considering all.  We quickly attended an open house for Koinonia (a Woman's Bible study and fellowship time), which I must say I am super excited about.  Later that night we had our good friends over for dinner, thankfully William took a long nap while I prepared dinner.  A good way to end a crazy day!

And Now it's Friday!!!  Yea for the weekend!  But this is not the only good news!  Steve and I bought a new car today! (Excuse me for all the exclamation marks, but I can't contain my excitement and shock)  I should clarify, we bought a used car, but it's new to us.  Lately our Jeep (which is no longer ours) has been a money pit!  Recently we took a trip to Spokane and on our way home the Jeep was wigging out!  It was a scary and unsettling feeling since we had both kids with us.  That's when we decided enough was enough!  So, now we have a safe and reliable car that we can hopefully drive for a very long time.  It's funny, but this is the first vehicle Steve and I have bought as a couple.  It wasn't funny however when we wrote the check.  We were both shaking a little bit and I am glad Steve wrote the check because I don't think my hands were steady enough.  But, I feel very good about the purchase despite the financial blow to our savings account.  I guess I'll have to go easy on the shoe shopping for a while :)  

I wondering what tomorrow will bring....

Finding Balance

Today is a weird day.  That's the only way to describe it.  Both the kids are testing my patience, and if you know me at all, you know I lack in that department.  William is Mr. Crabby Pants today!  If I'm not holding him and bouncing him around he's freaking out.  This doesn't work when I have a three year old who wants me to play with her.  I worry that Samantha will grow up to resent William, and me, because on so many occasions I have to deny her my time.  I hate it!  She wants my attention so badly, but William also needs me.  For example, today she wanted me to play a game with her; in the middle of our game William started crying and I knew he was hungry.  So, I had to tell her to put the game away and find another toy to play with while I fed William.  I didn't want to, but I had no choice.  How do I find a balance and give both of them equal time? 

To make matters more difficult Samantha has an attitude of a teenager.  She doesn't listen, she talks back, and I have to tell her a million times to do something until she actually does it.  Everyone keeps telling me that this stage will pass.  That all three year olds are like this, but I am afraid she might just be this way forever.  I don't want to think of her as spoiled, but she sure acts like it.  Unfortunately, one of her new phrases to say is "I can do what I want!"  Um, I don't think so.  Don't get me wrong, she is a good girl.  She has such a big heart.  She loves her brother so much, in fact she will sing to him when he is upset.  She scolds me when I yell at the cats, even though they deserve it.  And she gives the best hugs and kisses.  How can one child have so much personality and so many different sides to her?  So you're probably asking yourself, okay what's so weird about this day?  Sounds like a typical day with an infant and toddler to me.  And it is, but the strange thing is, I am loving today!  Despite my headache (most likely caused by my two children), and the urge to pull out my hair, I am having a great day!  Now, that is one big oxymoron!  Seeing William smile in between his fits, and watching Samantha color with so much concentration, makes up for all the bad moments. 

Now, if only I can master the art of having patience.  This is definitely my biggest challenge, and I am constantly having to work on this daily.  Just recently, I have really felt a desire to lift up this challenge to God.  Daily I ask him to give me guidance and wisdom in raising my children.  I want to love them without spoiling them, discipline without yelling (this is a tough one for me), and to teach them that our God is a loving and forgiving God, and that we need to live our lives for him.  Wish me luck. :)

A New Job.

I've been meaning to start a blog for some time now, and today I finally have the time!  Why am I doing this?  I have no idea!  It's not like I have profound words of wisdom to share, and I speak with my friends and family almost daily.  I guess I just need an outlet for my random thoughts that hit my through out the day.  Plus it will give me something to do, especially on cold, snowy days, while the kids are sleeping.  Since I quit my job about three months ago, I've come to realize that being at home with my two kids (Samantha who is 3, and William who is 5 months old) is not all that I thought it would be.  I thought it would be days filled with games, toys, movies, playdates etc... and it is, but it's not as full-filling as I thought.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being at home with my kids.  Nothing makes me happier than having the chance to raise my kids and seeing every moment of their life right now.  I won't miss anything, and I love that!  I definitely don't regret my decision to quit my job, but I feel like I'm missing something.  Maybe, I'm not used to this kind of work.  I'm used to a 8-5, hour lunches, 15 minute breaks, and having the chance to get out of the house and have my own thing going on.  Now, my day revolves around two little munchkins, and I don't have my own time.  It sounds selfish, I know.  I feel bad even thinking this.  I know this job is ten times more important than any 8 to 5 kind of job.  I just hope I am cut out for it.  I have to admit, there have been times I have called my husband at work and cried to him over the phone, usually freaking out because Samantha is being naughty or William won't stop crying.  Hopefully I'm never on speaker phone or his office would start talking about, Steve's crazy wife.  I just keep telling myself, it will get easier.  I will get used to this new job.  I'm just going to take it one day at a time (reason for title of blog.)  I believe in many ways this blog will do me good.  It will give me the, "my time" I so crave.  And who knows, maybe I will say something profound that will change the life of someone who is reading this, not likely, but you never know.